Episode 5

Episode 5 - The local incident!



So me and fluffer, decide to head down south a bit and check out a couple of nice breaks we have seen on the maps. Fairly large breaks, with the usual beach facilities, café, toilets, car park etc… Ordinarily we would stay away from larger places like this if possible, but in the winter, the crowds are so much less, it's often the only feasible time to go.

So we roll into the car park, find a space which was not hard, and wonder over to the ticket machine just to double check it's a no charge in winter jobbies.

On the way over this bloke intercepts our path. We give him the old nod and smile, and attempt to go round him. He put his self in the way again, but this time speaks to us.

“You better p*ss off home lads, this ‘ere's a locals only beach. We don't ave outsiders surfing these parts.”

Fluffer looks at me as puzzled as I am, the break is empty bar one lone surfer out. It's probably about 3ft and the beach is maybe 2 miles long! In the summer i've seen this break with more people on it that the London underground…!

“We're not looking for any trouble mate, just a quiet surf that's all” I say, pointing out that there is only one other person out, and its not exactly a epic day!

“Suit yourselves, but don't say I didn't warn you” He snarls, and wonders off.

Fluffer mutters the old **cough knob cough** under his breath. And we continue to the ticket machine.

To add insult to injury we have to pay £2 for over 2 hours – even in the winter! Will some councils never learn!

On the way back to the truck, I suggest to fluffer that perhaps it might be a good idea if we get our boards and wettys out the truck and go change by another car! The last thing I want is the panels on my beloved truck to get scratched!

So we do just that, grab our gear and start getting changed by this nice new Mercedes sprinter van, that just happens to be near us in the car park!

As we are getting changed we notice the guy that spoke to us clocking us while we get changed, we were both hoping he wasn't checking us for our looks!

“You reckon he's for real?” I say to fluffer.. “Dunno, but he's a idiot” fluffer retorts. “It's not like we have turned up with a coach load of kooks

We finally get in the water and it's a dry hair paddle out.

Whilst out the back we say hello to the only other guy who is out.

“What's the deal with that bloke in the car park” I ask “Guy gave us a load of locals only BS”

“Yeah, I know the guy – He's not even local himself, but calls himself a local on account of the fact he comes down here most weekends. He's from the nearest town about 15 mile away. The guys a right meat head, surfs with no respect either, always snaking people and dropping in on them. Trouble is no one round here really is ever looking to cause any trouble so most people just let it go

“Sounds like a real nice guy!” Fluffer says, just before taking a perfect little 3ft left.

I watch fluffer working his way along the wave, when my focus shifts from fluffer to the shoreline, and then the car park.

Its a little way away, but I can see what looks like someone taking a beating to a white Mercedes sprinter van!

Fluffer paddles back over and I point out to him what I can see.

“Oh yeah, looks like he fell for the old, get changed by someone else's car trick!”

Whose Mercedes sprinter is that in the car park?” I ask the other guy..

“Oh that's Mark, he's the local copper round here, just happens to be a logger too. Nice van isn't it, he only got it yesterday. He's mates with Paul who owns the café and just popped down to show him the van…”

Bummer I think to myself, guess that guy mustn't have know that!

After a fairly mellow couple of hours we decide to head back in as the swells dropped from 3 to 2 to 1 ½ ft.

We walk up to the car park and the guys done a real number on the Mercedes. Smashed the front headlights in, smashed all the wing mirrors, the number plates!

The local guy watches us from the car park wall, as we walk up to the Mercedes and right past it to our truck!


“What was that noise?” I say to fluffer… “Think it was that guys jaw drop as he realised he just did a number on the wrong vehicle!

While we are getting changed we watch as events unfold.

Man 1 presumably Mark walks out of café with 2 nd man presumably Paul.

Mark walks over to his brand new sprinter, with a look of sheer horror on his face!

He then proceeds to walk over to us and ask us if we know anything of this.

After a few words and a lot of pointing over to the car park wall, Mark and Paul proceed on foot over to give “the local guy” what can only be described as a nasty beating!

By the time we are just ready for a cup of coffee, a cop car shows up, and we watch with amusement as the guy gets bundled into the back of the car.

“Fancy a coffee fluffer?”

“Yeah, think I do, coffee and a doughnut”

We walk into the café and order our drinks.

“These are on the house lads, our way of saying that's for helping us find who done Marks van over.”

“Thanks very much!” we chorus.

We sit supping our coffees and eating our jammy doughnuts, looking through the window at the sea.

Nice place this fluffer, reckon we should come back some time” I say with an ear to ear grin on my face”

“Don't push it!” He says! Laughing to himself.

It's a tough life, but as I always like to say. What goes around comes around!


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